There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
