Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
