Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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