this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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