What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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