oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
