Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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