eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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