So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
