That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Watching her eat just hurts me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
