I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
