Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex