I hate all girls vehemently.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?