Sorry, I don't speak sober.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
