Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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