Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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