I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There r osticjed everywhere
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
