oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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