i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
