I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
