I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm both gender and math confused
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
