i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
