just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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