If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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