Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
