I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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