It's like God shit irony all over that family
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude. I can hear the air.
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