he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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