it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
