Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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