He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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