I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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