the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
