I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
