I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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