I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
