I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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