If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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