I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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