how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
