yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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