His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
