so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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