..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
