How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize