How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
