Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
