We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
