if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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