just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
