if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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