hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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