you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
