so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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