took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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