Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
