According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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