I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
