SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
